The Illusion of Control
– Topher Endress
As we progress through college, I think we can start to see how we have, at different times in our lives, played the role of both the older son and the younger son in this story. Even though I’m that ‘good kid’ who didn’t drink before 21, doesn’t sleep around and doesn’t do those things that the younger kid seemed to be looking for (I have met a prostitute, but I was serving her a meal at a homeless shelter, not soliciting), I can see the allure of redefining for yourself the reality around you.
The younger son wasn’t just woman-crazy, he was looking to figure things out on his own. His father’s worldview wasn’t big enough for him – he had to control his own life. Think about that first week at college. If it wasn’t you, I’m sure you witnessed someone who went overboard with their newfound freedom. More than just eating nothing but ice cream for a meal, there was a temptation to ignore the entirety of what your parent’s had impressed upon you. After all, you were a big college boy, so what could your parents’ lessons possibly teach you about your new life? You were past that; you were at the point where you needed to control what happened in your life.
The older son is honestly no better. Sure, on paper it looks like he’s that respectable kid that parent’s claim to want to have, but he was just as controlling as his little bro. The eldest son knew that he was in line for the major chunk of the inheritance, but he wanted assurance. So, he worked his butt off and never did anything wrong. He didn’t do it out of love for his father, but instead because those who follow the rules are supposed to be rewarded, right? This son sought the gift of his father, but didn’t really trust that he would get it. I completely get this. If I do something for someone, I’m supposed to get something in return. But if that’s true, then I can do things to specifically force you to act how I want you to act. The older son thinks he can demand the gift because he’s been the good worker – but then it is no longer a gift and the inheritance becomes payment.
As Men of Character, we may have had our turn as the younger son, but I’d be willing to bet that the fallacy of tit-for-tat service is on our minds quite a bit. Since we are for the most part the ones who act “right” most of the time, we start to believe that we can expect good things based off nothing but our own actions. That’s just as controlling as actively going out to do our own thing like the younger son.
Each son wanted to control his own life, but neither truly could. The circumstances and choices of other people played a huge role in the plot progression here. But it wasn’t the bad choices or chance that caused the sons to act irresponsibly; it was the perception that they could truly control their lives. You can certainly cause many things to happen – but you are not actually in control of your life. To live a well-adjusted life, you have to realize that the actions of other people and random chance are affecting your more than you can account for. Giving up that perception of control is the only way to move past this block. Great leaders don’t assume they can control what others will chose – those are dictators. To lead well, give up the illusion of control and work instead on making the most of every situation. The oldest son gave up a huge, once-in-a-lifetime party because he was too hurt by his lack of control to be there. If you don’t want to miss the party, you have to be willing to realize that you can’t control it all. And I know no one here wants to miss any parties.
purduephitau 