Archive for July, 2012

Why I’m Glad I’m a Bad Kisser

– Topher Endress

I have been working with some great people this summer.  There are brothers that I have been privileged to know, staff that teach me about dedication and hard work, and some other various people that have been simply fun to be around.  One person, however, has been able to teach me something about myself that I would never learn from a brother – namely, I am a bad kisser.

Yes, I have kissed a coworker.  To protect the other guilty party (as inter-staff relationships are frowned on here as they are “distractions”), she will remain nameless.  Due to the incredible awkwardness of my kiss, she may choose to remain anonymous forever.  But apart from the scandal of our illicit affair, the larger story is that in one fell swoop, I destroyed any notions of being a cool ladies-man and learned something about relationships along the way.

Now, I have shied away from discussing sex and dating here for several reasons. 1) I have very different standards for myself than most guys and 2) I have much much much less experience than most guys.  However, I think this is worth sharing and may be helpful to some, regardless of standards and history.

First and foremost, let me just assure you that my “I’m a bad kisser” thought is not hyperbole.  I was literally laughed at immediately after by this clearly caring and compassionate lady (hint: sarcasm).  I felt the awkwardness coming and was powerless to stop it; leaning in, leaning back out, talking nervously, creepily asking permission, leaning in again, lips at the wrong spot, too little tongue turned into too much, and it was over.  Not that I remember it or anything.

But here’s the thing.  Even though I may have just set a new low for human to human interaction, I simply don’t care.  It may have been painful (just emotionally – I’m not THAT bad), but the sheer badness of it puts life into a better perspective. For one, it helps shatter any remote thoughts implanted by Hollywood/Disney that first kisses are amazing acts of passion that look and feel perfect.  Second, it was more ME to have a bad kiss.  It was weird and awkward, quirky and different, endearing and innocent – it was a kiss from me and not some Hollywood dream.  That makes me somewhat strangely proud, that I could give her something so untainted by anyone else.

This bad kiss has also taught me that relationships work better when two things happen. 1) When the physical interaction either matches or lags behind the emotional/spiritual/psychological connections and 2) when you are comfortable with the other person seeing the least cool parts of you.  I think relationships suffer from too much too soon – if you haven’t connected in some other way first, you may as well be hooking up with a stranger.  Also, I was laughing alongside her right after because I’m comfortable enough to be uncool.  New relationships are usually defined by that time when you only want to show off.  Getting past that stage before the kissing comes in makes me feel a whole lot better.

I will own up to being a bad kisser.  But with what it showed me, I wouldn’t consider trading it for a magical Disney moment.

Plus, now she has plenty of reason to help me practice, right?